would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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