I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
