mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
