i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
