can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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