A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
