I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
