I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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