I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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