You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
