I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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