This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
