come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
