it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
