Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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