she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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