after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
