walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
How does one acquire holy water?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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