Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
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