"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
