my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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