You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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