why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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