hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize