Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
