I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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