I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My feet surprised me
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