I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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