how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
