Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It's just like the Real World with babies
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
