dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
