I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
