How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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