you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
They have beer where we have blood.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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