I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
