were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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