OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
