And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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