I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
