I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
