actually, I'm a sock model
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
