the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Rumble strips road head = magical
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
