3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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