You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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