It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
