please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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