I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
