I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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