$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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