well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
