it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
