Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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