someone threw a dead crab at me
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
