i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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