God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
