It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
