Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
