Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
