Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
