This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
