i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
