I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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