I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
