So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
