We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
